Room 382
by Feana Puddlefoot
Summary: Will Celeborn and Elrond flush Legolas' pet hate into Room 382 for him? (A parody of Room 101)


**Room 382**   
written by   
**Fowyn-Addis** aka Phoenix Fyre 

**Dsclmr:** LOTR and all its characters do not belong to me. I make no profit from writing this apart from fun. So don't sue me, or you'll just look really stupid in court when I read this disclaimer out. 

**Notes:** I got this idea while I was watching Room 101, obviously. And it's called Room 382 because the LOTR category is category no. 382. But you probably already knew that. Anyway, this might have more chapters in the future with different characters expressing their dislikes. I'm not sure yet. And the first character to tell us what he doesn't like about life was always going to be Legolas with me. True, he's not my favourite character, but I find that I can write well when Legolas is my muse.   
Okay. So, on with the fic now. Hope you enjoy it.   
  
  


The audience waited eagerly for the show they had come to see to start. It was a new programme, called Room 382. The audience didn't know much about it, only that was hosted by the famous presenting duo Celeborn and Elrond, better known to them as Cel' and El'. 

The cameras started to roll and the audience began to clap as Cel' and El' stepped on stage. One was awkwardly smiling (Celeborn), the other was looking quite irriated at all the noice (Elrond, obviously). The clapping gradually died down and so did the whispers that Celeborn _soo _fancied Elrond from fangirls who were sitting near the front of the audience. 

Celeborn stepped forward, still smiling awkwardly and said in his snail speed voice, "Welcome to Room 382. This is a new programme in which each time a different guest will choose one of their pet peeves. Then El' and I will decide whether to flush that pet hate into Room 382, or not." 

Some members of the audience thought this sounded a little familiar but dismissed the thought. Others clapped widly until Elrond gave them a deathglare, and inched his hand towards the earplugs in his pocket. Celeborn continued, 

"Our guest for today is a famous elf known for his archery skills, his hair, and for the group of fangirls following him everywhere he goes. Who else could it be but Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood? Please welcome him!" And with another awkward smile Celeborn gestured towards the entrance Legolas was entering from. 

Elrond, Celeborn and Legolas sat down on a sofa beside a rather forboding lever and what looked like a tunnel into nowhere. Some people in the audience guessed the tunnel led to Room 382. Legolas smiled and shook hands with both Elrond and Celeborn, Elrond all the while still frowning. 

"So, Leggy," Celeborn began. 

"Legolas," Legolas corrected him, his smile faltering a little. 

They both ignored Elrond's smirk. 

Celeborn said, "What's your first pet hate for today, Legolas? Please tell us." 

"Well," Legolas began. "I know this is pretty obvious, but it's Mary-Sue. I mean, I hate her. I'm sick of girls falling in and out of Middle-Earth like it's some sort of bouncy castle and chasing me all over the place. Nobody understands. Not even Aragorn. He doesn't get as many of them as I do. And some of them are supposed to be my childhood friends! I didn't have any friends as a kid, except my mirror!" 

"Explains a lot," Elrond muttered. 

"Excuse me?" Legolas said, glaring at Elrond. 

"He didn't say anything," Celeborn said quickly. "Go on, Legolas." 

Legolas preened a little then continued. "Well, this one Mary-Sue even … she … I can't bear to say it. It's too terrible." 

"Nothing's too terrible when it's performed on you, Leggy," Elrond said offhandedly, staring at his fingernails. 

Legolas looked at Elrond, who was doing his best to look innocent and not doing it very well. "Was that a compliment? And don't call me Leggy. My name is Legolas and you know it, 'Elly." 

"Elly?!" 

"Okay!" Celeborn interuppted hurridedly. "Tell us what this Mary-Sue did, _Legolas_, please." 

"Fine," Legolas replied huffily. "She climbed under my bedcovers with me because she was supposedly scared of a storm going on and when I woke up I was supposed to be all sweet and forgiving and …" he snorted. "… _kiss her._" 

All three of them made sounds of disgust. 

"It should go in Room 382," Elrond said. "It's evil and needs to die. That's what I think." 

"I have to agree," Celeborn said. "I just can't be lenient on Mary-Sue. Sometimes she can be half-decent but when she's bad, she's petrifying. She has to go into Room 382. Audience, do you agree with El' and I on this one?" The audience clearly did by the clapping and cheering so Celeborn grinned and pulled the lever. Mary-Sue bumped down the tunnel and a minute later a satisfying bump and scream of 'Ouch!' was heard. 

Celeborn was feeling a little unnerved by Elrond's superior smile. He leant over to his companion and whispered, "What are you grinning about?" 

Elrond's smile grew wider and a little sadistic. Celeborn tensed up. He didn't like Elrond when he was being a sadist. Elrond whispered back to Celeborn, a hint of amusement in his voice, "I put a balrog in Room 382 with Mary-Sue."   
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
